Everyone here has been disappointed by someone. Everyone here has disappointed someone. Everyone here will be disappointed again, and everyone here will disappoint someone again.
The book of Ecclesiastes has something to say about living disappointed. In chapter two we read about the self-disappointment the author faced. Everything he tried, everything he pursued, everything he valued and lived for, caused him to feel empty, meaningless and worthless.
Ecclesiastes 2:1-11 1 I thought in my heart, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 “Laughter,” I said, “is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?” 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly–my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. 4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well–the delights of the heart of man. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. 10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. 11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.
We read here that the writer was living a disappointed life despite all he tried to accomplish.
Here is what I can tell you after reading these eleven verses: The surest way to live disappointed is to live for the wrong things. Ecclesiastes 2 tells us you can be ultra successful and still live disappointed because worth, significance and contentment come only from being rightly connected to God and living to please Him.
In order to avoid the disappointment that is self-imposed, I encourage you to: Downsize your goals into one overarching goal. Make your goal to please God in all things! If your goal is to please God, and you make that your life’s aim, you won’t be exhausted and hurt from chasing so many rabbit trails along the way.
Now, what about the disappointments we face that aren’t the result of us being focused on the wrong things? How do we deal with those? I would suggest to you that we need to:
Develop realistic expectations. Not everyone can make the team. There cannot be 50 people on a basketball team. You might be in the number who doesn’t make the cut. You need to embrace that going in. Not everyone who makes the team will get to play a significant amount of time. You might be the one who spends the majority of the game on the bench. That needs to be something you recognize up front. If there is only one promotion at your company and ten people are applying for it, nine of those ten aren’t going to get it. There are winners and there are losers, and you will win some and you will lose some.
When you go out for the team, prepare for the tryout. When you prepare for the interview, do your homework about the company. Study what you need to know. Don’t just think your connection to the coach or the boss will make you a “shoe-in.” Don’t assume your natural talent will take you where you want to go. Realize going in that you may not make it.
Have you ever thought that in some instances God might be protecting you from something by not allowing you to step into a space that you really desired to be in? Maybe He is helping you avoid some drama or a certain influence that wouldn’t be good for you? Maybe the disappointment you are feeling isn’t as bad as the way you would feel if you actually got what you wanted.
Some people are living disappointed because they are expecting one person to meet all of their needs or to be something that would be impossible or to be something that God doesn’t intend or couldn’t bless. We need to make sure we are always evaluating our expectations of others to make sure they are realistic.
Decide to learn something from it.
Ahead of the disappointment, decide that you will allow disappointment to become a teacher. Perhaps you will learn that you are better suited for a different career or a different sport which would be a blessing in disguise. When disappointment comes in the form of an ended relationship, maybe it is an opportunity to step back and think about what you might do differently the next time. You can learn something in every situation, no matter how painful it is.
Don’t add a label to your feelings. A feeling is just a feeling. It isn’t a definition of your character, worth or potential.
Just because you aren’t selected for the Show Choir doesn’t mean you can’t sing. Just because you don’t make the team doesn’t mean you aren’t a good athlete. Don’t allow your feelings to become labels.
Dig deeper. Become resilient. “No” doesn’t always mean, “Not ever.” It might just mean, “No, not now.” Work harder. If you are still passionate about whatever it was you had gone after, go after it again the next time. Get scrappy. Put in more time. You won’t know what you are capable of until you have persevered.
Dream new dreams. Disappointment can actually become God’s appointment to point us in a new direction. It is easy to become obsessed with something to the point where we have tunnel vision and all we do is eat, sleep and dream about one thing. We might be missing some other things God wants us to enjoy. God may want you to have many passions and pursuits. Dreaming new dreams will help you to continue to challenge yourself and will add joy to your life as you allow yourself to experience something new.
