On Sunday we reminded ourselves of James’ words in James 1:19. “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Success in relationships depends on our ability to follow this formula under the Holy Spirit’s control.
Good listening involves:
1. Focus. Listen intently to understand what the person desires to say.
2. Patience. Be quick to listen, but don’t be a quick listener. Make sure people know you have time for them
and care about what they are going through.
3. Openness. Perhaps you can learn something about the person who is speaking or about yourself in the process of listening.
4. Restraint. Not everyone wants a solution or a critique about how they are handling their issues. We need to rely more on the Holy Spirit to reveal what people need to know than on how much we ourselves know.
We are also to be slow to speak. The first thing that pops into our mind isn’t usually the best thing to say. We need to learn to respond rather than react before we speak. Some questions to consider come from Rotary’s Four-Way test. I added one as well.
1. Is it the truth?
2. Is it fair to all concerned?
3. Will it build good will and better friendships?
4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?
I’ll add a fifth for us as believers:
5. Will it glorify God?
Finally, we are to be slow to become angry. Nowhere in Scripture are we told to get angry and get as angry as possible. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that it will be helpful to us to be angry. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that anger is the way to witness. In fact, Ephesians 4:31 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” It’s not something to cultivate in your life.
We can overcome angry feelings by not letting them build up over time. Talk to the person you are angry with while the issue is still easily resolved. We can overcome angry feelings as we are made new in the attitude of our minds (Ephesians 4:23). We get angry about way too much when we have no right to do so. If anyone had right to be angry it was Jesus. And while there were a few times the Father had Him display righteous anger over injustice and shallow religion, the earthly stuff, the petty stuff, the people stuff that you and I get so uptight about, He never sweated for a minute. Even as He sweated drops of blood, was betrayed by His friends and endured torture you and I will never imagine accurately no matter how many movies we watch, and through it all, Jesus forgave. The formula James prescribes? Quick, slow, slow. How well are you applying it to your life?
Praying God helps us all apply His Word in transforming ways.
Pastor Melissa
